I am a square peg who has tried most of my life to fit into a round hole. I wanted to fit in it, to be liked, to belong – so I built my world around what people wanted of me. I was left empty but full to the brim of people pleasing, riddled with shame, inadequacy, lack of self, hurt etc the list goes on. I felt so uncomfortable in that round hole I fiercely fought to get out – feelings of overwhelm, not being able to converse, avoidance, pain, loss of self and power, self hatred, lack of self love, trying to conform, trying not to conform. I lost myself in the process. I was denying who I was and who I am. A misfit, a wounded healer, a non-conformist, neurodivergent, traumatised kid as an adult on the outside, and a 10 year old screaming on the inside, who couldn’t understand why she related to only a few and most of those were out on the land and not in houses.
How could I fit into a round hole ? I mean, I tried – I truly did. To please my mama, my family, my partners, my bosses, my businesses, my friends, society, the establishment – you name it – I tried. I wore clothes and shoes they picked for me, dressed up to the nines but a fraud inside – hated that. Had haircuts I despised, went out with men I didn’t like and the men who didn’t like me. I created businesses they wanted and good money, bought a cool home and a propa car. Had jobs which ticked all the boxes, boosted my ego and my pocket book yet in reality, broke me. I built a life I was meant to be proud of but deep down my soul cried, this is not who you are. I was left exhausted, ill, depleted, dazed, confused and bewildered. Not only that, I was in worse trouble because I had developed an addiction to cope with being a square peg in a round hole. It was not pretty. I hit rock bottom again and then again and then again and some more.
So you see now I know that my wellbeing and my life truly depends on honouring who I am. I know now I will listen to people’s advice which is true for them but I will not become it. I will never try to fit into someone else’s beliefs or systems to make them happy and I will never try and fit someone into mine. I also know my higher power loves and accepts me as a square peg because I was made that way. Beautiful.
Today I hang out in fields, a loner at times. I relate to the quirky, the eccentric, the breaking boundaries and those who think outside the box. I say how it is and I hear how things are. I wear ponchos and talk to sheep and the ethereal realms and hang out around fires and play sheep skin drums. I attend recovery meetings and share what I know to help another person get well.
You see the truth is, I know who I am today and I know I am a square peg who cannot fit in round hole – the big question is why would I even want to? We were all made differently and that is what’s beautiful.
This post is about honouring our uniqueness, our authenticity, our soul and being who we truly are without having to change for anyone or anything to fit in.
Steve Jobs, founder of Apple certainly didnt stick with the status quo. He used what some would term as his weaknesses to be his greatest strengths. He pushed the boundaries of the human race forward, questioning how things were done and made his own way, changing the course of technology forever. He didnt conform and he did change the world forever with APPLE. I see genius.
Difference – uniqueness – diversity – Heres to the misfits, the rebels. We see genius!
I would like to thank Ian K for his guidance on being a square peg in a round hole. May we stay true to who we are x
Blessings Greta – Aho